Yup, that's me.
It even says so on my leg...actually it says "eak" cause the F and R have faded :P
Sometimes I wish people wouldn't look at me so wierdly, and outcast me...buut nothing I can do about that. I'm still kinda confused as to WHY i'm seen that way XD

I'm surprisingly happy while writing this though, WIERD!
I'm on a high :D

Weeelll...just thought I'd post here about a really strange habit that's developed over about 3 months, and now it's like addictive (sort of like sucking your thumb as a baby).
I bite :D
*rawr* *vampire fangs*
It's usually my wrist or fingers, cause they're the easiest to reach, and it feels best there. It's getting to be a pretty bad habit though, cause i did it SUBCONCIOUSLY in my sleep a while back. I woke up with bite marks on my hands XP
I haven't ever drawn blood, so THAT's good.

I just do it cause it feels good O_o

Maybe I just like something in my mouth :D :D :D
Aaaanyway, I'm in a random mood, and was like NEED TO POST! And i was biting my hand, so that was the first thing that came to mind :P

This opportunity
which was never
really there, has
passed by.
Love.
Lovers are
liars. It is
not real, but
a game, which we
play, and,
like all games, there is
only one winner, and
always
losers.
It's riddled with
obstacles and
blockades, but also
treasure chests and
Chances.

POEM! XD
Written AAAAAAGES ago, but I just felt like posting it :P

(edit: My friend Alex wanted me to write a poem about love and how it's a game, so I came up with this)

You promised me, promised.
Please don't break your promise.
I promise i'll try better, harder, more...
Just don't break it.
Ever.

When all is said and done
Will we still feel pain inside?
Will the scars go away with night?
Try to smile for the morning light
It's like the best dream to have
Where everything is not so bad
Every tear is so alone
Like God himself is coming home

To say I
I can do anything, If you want me here
And I can fix anything, If you'll let me near
Where are those secrets now
That you're too scared to tell
I whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself

Green trees were the first sign
The deepest blue, the clearest sky
The silence came with brightest eyes
Like turning water into wine
The children ran to see
Their parents stood in disbelief
And those who knew braced for the ride
The Earth itself then came alive

To say I
I can do anything, If you want me here
And I can fix anything, If you'll let me near
Where are those secrets now
That you're too scared to tell
I whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself

I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone, I noticed it bad
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough

- A Little's Enough, Angels and Airwaves

:'(
I know this is basically the same as the last entry, but it's REALLY killing me...
Isn't there anyone... I just want love, is that too much to ask? I get told i'm cute, and pretty, and really nice, so WHY can't it be acknowledged...
I really don't believe them, i mean, if that was true, i wouldn't be where i was now.

Maybe i just need to tell someone i'm a lesbian...
If no-one knows, then i've got no chance of finding a girl. But if i say, then i get teased, and bullied, and i REALLY don't want for that to happen again...Because i know from personal experience that it leads to bad things.
I thought i'd left all of that behind when i moved to Perth, and maybe i have, but i don't want it to happen again.
DILEMMA!

I need a hug *pout*

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God
I am a lesbian.
I, Amelia Jane, am a lesbian.
And i have NO fucking idea what to do now.
Geez, the Hat Gang will support me, i think, but i'm going to have SUCH a hard time getting a girlfriend, i mean, the year knows i'm bi, but i don't want to tell anyone i'm a lesbian cause i'd get hell for it, and i'm not very good at meeting new people OUT of school.
I mean, i'm fine with it, i'm happy with who i am, but i want someone else who can be happy with that too, and it would be nice if once in a while someone i liked, liked me back.
I dunno, maybe i'm being selfish, but i'd really love a girlfriend.
Someone preferably a few years older than me, who can like me for who i am, but fat chance of that.
Gah, i'm head-over-heels for this girl, and at least she talks to me and knows i exist, but we don't talk much, and there's no chance ever with her.
*sigh*
For once i wish life would throw something a little more adaptable at me :P

Gah, someone in this world has cursed me with eternal unquenchable lust, unattractivness and a shy personality.
I mean, WTF!?
It's not faaaaaiiirrr :'(
Unquenchable lust i could deal with if i could get a boy/girlfriend, so that wouldn't be a problem then.
Unattractivness wouldn't matter if i wasn't lusty.
A shy personality wouldn't matter if i wasn't so friggin needy.
GAH!
It's so MEEEAAANNNN
Um, yeeeah
AAAAAND, something ALWAYS happens to the person I like. I mean Kathy is leaving for AMERICA, the friggin OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD, in August, to LIVE! :'(
*sigh*
I suppose i should still keep on living how i am now :(
But it's unfair *mneh*

Weeeelll, I'm back from America, and it was SOOOOO much fun!
DisneyLand was the best thing of the trip i think, but New York was better than LA, in general.

I liked the trip because i left a lot of my troubles and worries at home, and i could just get on with enjoying myself. And i did :P Well...most of the time...
I had about 4 "moments" where i wanted to scratch so badly, and the only thing that stopped me was the fact that i had no bandaids, and couldn't go out and buy them. I can't remember fully why i wanted to scratch, but i think at least 2 of them were because i was ugly, and a freak, and no-one wanted to talk to me, and laughed at me, and stuff like that...
*rolls eyes*
Irrational thoughts again.
I do, actually, like the way i look (minus the pimples and fat thighs), and i've gotten over the fact that people don't like me when they first see me.
No idea why i started to think like that again, but meh, it's over now, and i didn't scratch, so no need to dwell on it anymore.

Anyway...
I found someone to like :B
She's nice, and funny, and talks to me, and she's also really pretty.
It's never going to be anything, but it's good to like someone again XD
I wish some of the people i liked would ever like me back, but i suppose that's just life, and i have to move on.

I got so much cool stuff when i was over there as well :B
CHEAP SHOPPING!!!
I got 2 pairs of Converse Hi-tops (O & G, black), and groovy shirts, and 2 teddy bears, and pink & black armwarmers, and other stuff...

Well, i'm going for a shower now, cause i feel dirty ;)
Literally o_o
Geez, what were YOU thinking ^o)

Grrrr...I'm getting all emotional over something that nothing can be done about.

I really want someone to like...
I know it sounds stupid, because i've never really had any success, but I always feel tons better when I can think about someone romantically.
It takes my mind off things, and sure, it can also make me feel like crap because I have no chance, but I really like the feeling.

Of course, it'd be great if someone actually liked me back.
I've never had a boy like me before, and I doubt i ever will.
I s'pose that might be why I like girls as well now, but I really hope not because it sounds so selfish and stupid.

I'm a hopeless romantic, I know that, but i'm tons better at not getting all miffed about the stupidest things that they do.
I know there has to be someone out there for me, somewhere, but they're taking SO LONG to find me, and i'm getting slightly frustrated.

I'm in YEAR 10, and i've never had a "successful" relationship.
Yeah, sure, I went out with boys when I was in year 3+4, but that was just a childish thing.
We kissed and this guy showed me his dick more than once, which was kind of gross now I think back, but it was never ROMANTIC.
I don't think any of us even knew what love was.
Yeah, sure, we knew what SEX was, but not LOVE.
I'm really quite disgusted at some of the stuff I used to dream about as well O_o

In year 6, 7 & 8 i think every boy HATED me, so that wasn't very fun.
Year 7 was THE WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE.
I really, REALLY hope I never have to experience that again, and I'm really grateful to all of the people at All Saints who accepted me...well, who didn't make me feel like a pathetic, useless, loner.
I was terrified every morning of going to school, because I knew i'd be teased, get stuff thrown at me, and have to go through it all knowing i'd just have to do it again.
I'd sleep in every morning in the hope that my parents would forget about me, and leave me at home, or that i'd miss the bus and they'd already be at work. Geez, I think i even used to WISH i'd be kidnapped on the way to school, because anything had to be better than what I was going through.

I was really surprised when I went back to Pembroke last year.
Everyone was really nice to me, and some of the guys, who used to make me feel like crap, actually said hi, and asked how Perth was.
I think it made me realise that i'd CHANGED.
I mean, i know i have. I've become TONS more confident, and I'm not afraid to talk back to someone who teases me.
Before, i used to just stand back and let it happen. Then i'd get home and scream and cry and make life hell for my parents. I think i cried more times in year 7 than I have in my whole life.

Oh well...no point dwelling over the past.
Love, well, someone good looking who I'm attracted to, will come along when it wants...BUT IT BETTER BE SOON!
Geez, sounds like i'm just a horny teenager XD
Okay...well...i am, but that's not the point, and i'd PREFER to make out with someone I like, rather than a random.

And i'm NOT horny right now, just, sometimes, i get this FEELING.
It's sort of like sadness, but not really...hard to explain...
...aaaaaanyway...

I took a random quiz thing XD: